... this path again

Trapped in a life I can't call my own
wondering if I'll ever feel "home"
in my own skin
the battle begins...
and it rages in my veins
I can't walk this path again.

Walls closing in, I'm trying to breathe
but the air I inhale suffocates me;
plagued by treason
and seeking the reason
so I might understand
why I'm on this path again.

...and I pray

Sometimes the loneliness
overtakes me
and I find myself
dropping to my knees
and I pray
help me thru the day.

My strength is gone
I'm overcome and weak
I know I must hold on
and get back on my feet
so I pray
help me thru the day.

Sadness pulls me down
I can't escape it's grip
I'm on the battlefield
but I'm unequipped
so I pray
help me thru the day.

When the morning light
opens up my eyes
I try with all my might
to conceal my cries
and I pray
help me thru this day.

The Treasure of My Soul

It is human nature to be wooed by the exterior pleasures in this world. We all want nice things, prestige, more money, success, achievements and awards. We all want to be accepted among the popular people, hob-knob with the stars and rub elbows with the rich and famous. We strive toward excellence and create the image of ourselves we want the world to see. We manufacture a facade with all the stuff we've accumulated, and all the titles we hold. It is a natural desire within us to want more and this desire got me thinking...

When I close my eyes and sit alone in silent reverence I realize all of those things fade away and what is really important rises from the corners of my heart to the surface. I begin to understand that the things that influence me, strengthen me, support me and guide me aren't really "things" at all. Success and failure, money, prestige, reputation and recognition have all shaped me, but they are not the things that make me who I am. Faith plays a much greater role than all of those things put together, for without it I cannot endure. The people in my life that have shared tender moments, brought comedy and insight, and loved me despite my many infractions are worth more than a thousand trophies. I conclude that God has richly blessed me beyond the fleeting joy any material possession or title could bring. A smile fills my face as I realize this is the treasure of my soul. ~

CockTail

There is no question with every alcoholic drink the people around you become more exciting and better looking. I don't know about you but in the stupidity of my youth I've had a couple wake-up-the-next-morning experiences where you wonder what the hell kind of beer-goggles you were looking through. As I listened to a friend rant about the embarassment she felt after having too many cocktails, it got me thinking...

The word Cocktail alone defines the intention of an evening with too much liquor. For as the drinks go down smoother and faster, they lighten the load of inhibition and free the mind of pre-existing moral standards. As the evening progresses you learn to share the cocktail... she gets cock and he gets tail. :)

Who God Made Me

A woman commented to a friend of mine, "God made you the way you are and that's the way you're supposed to be." It got me thinking...

I've been many things during different phases of life. I was a drug user. I was a smoker. I was a vegetarian. I am none of those things now. So, I pondered, was I "who God made me" when I was a meth using, chainsmoking vegetarian? Or am I today "who God made me", a coffee drinking, filet mignon loving, soccer mom? The answer must clearly be both. "Who God made me" shouldn't be judged by whether I fit the mold, follow the current or adhere to the regulations of the religious right. "Who God made me" is the ever-changing, always growing person I am on the inside.

Of one thing I am certain, if you're busy judging "who God made me" based on what you see on the outside, then who God made you is too shallow. ~

"Ass" Making Moments

Some people may not admit to them, but we've all had moments when we've made an ass of ourselves. For various reasons we can no longer contain the frustration, the anger or the intensity of emotion we feel, so we lose it. We cry. Scream. Throw things. Kick. Lash out. There's gnashing of teeth and the yelling of phrases that will undoubtedly bring regret the moment they leave our lips. These are not planned breakdowns. They are spontaneous meltdowns, wherein all capacity for logic and proper behavior vanish. And woe to the soul who tries to argue with you during this moment of madness. You spew forth every vial aching you've ever felt while they defend themselves. You spitefully throw adjectives while they dodge proverbial bullets. All the while knowing every attempt is futile. When the anger subsides the remorse is overwhelming as you fall into a heap of tears on the floor and sob as if something in you has curled up and died. I know this feeling all too well. You went off the deep end, plunged over the edge and now nothing can take back the words and actions from that moment of madness. "I'm sorry," doesn't seem to say enough, but what else is there to describe the regret you feel?

I have made an ass out of myself in more ways and at more times in life than I want to think about. I've "lost it" so many times. I think it happens because things pile up in our hearts and we become like literal time bombs just waiting to explode. One comment here. One wounding remark there. One situation that makes you feel less than adequate or downright stupid. One circumstance that leaves you frustrated. One moment where you felt blown off. One instance where your heart was left unnoticed. By themselves, these are all little things. But when they pile up in your soul they become this mountain of emotion that eventually comes screaming out. It's the fraility of humanity. We are not designed to walk through this life without Divine intervention and strength. I believe there will always be those "ass" making moments of madness... but I pray as I age there will be less of them as I grow in God's grace. And I pray there will be forgiveness from those around me when I do teeter on the edge and fall off into the angry abyss now and then.

When you land on your ass try to remember that's why God gave you an ass... because He knew we would fall and we'd need something squishy to cushion us. Then dust off that butt and get back up! ~

Lose Your Mind

It is said that one must know darkness to appreciate light. That people cannot fully experience love without tasting the bitterness in rejection. "You never know what you've got until it's gone," is a common expression. We've all heard these things but what do they really mean? I think they foreshadow a recognition deep within us... a knowledge of a longing for love that is fuller than human expression. I think it is when we come to the realization that we are disconnected from our Creator and we reach to Him that we find fulfillment in the reconnection. When we realize we have been lost is when we appreciate what it means to be found. When we experience the fullness of the love of Christ in our hearts is when we understand the emptiness of a life without Him. We understand sight by first closing our eyes and understanding blindness. There are moments in life when we have to lose our minds to come to our senses. If logic stands in the way of you embracing God's grace, than lose your mind and come to your senses. Stop thinking and let yourself feel. Then you will know the substitute from that which is real.

Depression's Deep Hole

Several friends have been suffering from recent bouts of depression. I know all too well the hopelessness they feel. There is nothing more overwhelming than being controlled by depression. You can be fine one moment and it will blindside you the next. You can be happy on Monday and on Tuesday you can hardly get yourself out of bed. There is no rhyme or reason for its onset. There is no logical pattern for its existence. Depression comes and goes as it pleases. It hurts you because it destroys you from the inside out. Make no mistake... depression is a destructive force, a would-be killer, and it is not something you should attempt to tackle on your own. Depression is a disease. Fight it like you would fight any other physical disease... with a doctor's care, with the support of family and friends, with prayer and diligence. Depression is not a sign that a person is crazy. It merely signifies that a person is hurting and needs help to overcome.

I spent years fighting depression and there are still times when it tries to take hold of me again. To those of you battling it now, let me encourage you to remember God is greater than any circumstance in your life and more powerful than the grip depression has on you at this very moment. I've walked in your shoes. I've curled in a ball in my closet sobbing until my body ached, and prayed to die. I've felt the shame that comes with feeling like eveyone thinks you're crazy. I've sat motionless for hours, staring thru glassy eyes, unable to function, much less to live. I understand the depth of sadness you feel and I know it seems like it will never go away. But it will. If you grab the hand of Jesus, He will walk with you through the darkness and you will once again bask in the light of joy and feel the weight of depression lifted from you. The darkness of depression cannot exist in the midst of God's light. Reach to Him and He will rescue you. You are in my prayers.

The Only Judge That Matters

A friend of mine told me about a situation in which she was unrightfully judged. Motive was assigned to her actions and intent placed by others in her heart. The truth is she did not possess wrongful motive nor hurtful intentions.

This got me thinking, how does a person convince others when heart's intent cannot carry a visible burden of proof? Our world is jaded. Each of us has been lied to and hurt by others and so we live guarded. Each of us has made mistakes in the past, and so we live under the scrutiny of those around us. When something doesn't look right our first inclination is to assume it is wrong. We exist in protective mode because people are prone to judge and leave. We naturally push away that which we don't understand because we fear it. It goes without saying our world is dangerous and to some degree we must take precautions, but there is a vast difference between taking precautions and making unjust accusations. There is a difference between running blindly from the unknown and standing still long enough to observe the source of the unknown. You may discover the source itself is pure even though the actions appear otherwise.

My past is packed with mistake after mistake after mistake. It hurts when my present existence is judged based on my past behavior. Despite what others may think of me, my heart has never been one of malice. People don't easily forget our mistakes do they? Thankfully God has the ability to look past actions and directly into our heart. Despite our wrongdoings, He sees the deepest thought behind every move. He knows. I cling to this because there are moments when it feels He is the only one who believes in me...as I cannot even see beyond my own failures. The people who judge us the most are often times the same people who love us best. That's why it hurts so deeply. I surrender to God's forgiveness and His view that sees beyond the weakness of humanity, and there I find peace and strength. God is not only the only One to rightfully cast judgment, but He is the only judge that truly matters. ~

Tender Spots of Letting Go

Often times loving someone means letting go. In fact, when I look at life it seems it is all about letting go. We hold our children's hands as they grow, with the knowledge of the inevitable before us... knowing all the while we will have to let them go...let them live their own life. It creates tender spots in a parent's soul. We hold our own parents and grandparents until the inevitable affects of aging creep in and steal them from this world. We let go, knowing it is the natural course. But it creates tender spots in a child's spirit. We cling to those we love with longing and affection, all the while understanding it is only until "death do us part"... knowing one of us will have to let go first. It creates agony in a lover's heart. In the end, we too will release our grasp on life itself and let go. Life is all about loving and letting go...and sometimes the lesson is simply in learning to love someone enough to peacefully let them go. It creates tender spots in an entangled soul.

Cosmetic Christians

I have several friends who have undergone cosmetic procedures to enhance their physical appearance. I myself had a nose job in 1999. As a Christian there were people around me who questioned whether cosmetic surgery was the "right" thing to do. "Shouldn't we be satisfied with the way God made our bodies," one woman suggested to me with a hint of condemnation. Recently I've given this topic a lot of thought, as one of my girlfriends is deeply struggling with negative results of cosmetic adjustments. I have concluded that we should indeed be thankful for what God has given us and for the incredible detail in which He has designed our bodies to function, grow and heal. However, I do NOT believe we should sit back and pretend to be satisfied when we are not. Self-esteem, particularly for women, is an uphill battle from the time we reach puberty until the day we die. Women obsess about weight, pimples, wrinkles, breasts sagging, flabby arms, chubby thighs, muffin tops...you name any physical issue and there is a woman somewhere obsessing about it. We need to take responsibility to the degree that we take care of our bodies, eat right, exercise, take vitamins, etc. But when a physical condition becomes something you cannot control, and it is something that dampens your self-worth, I believe the "right" course of action is to take action. For me, it was a nose job. For over twenty years people teased me about my nose. Though I laughed off their jokes, inside it wounded me. Several of my girlfriends have had breast implants, one has had a breast reduction, numerous ladies I know use botox on a regular basis, have had face lifts, eyes lasered, tummy tucks, liposuction and vericose veins removed. I applaud each one of them.

Ladies, we all shave, wax, pluck, color, moisturize, peel, suck it in and cover whatever we feel we need to on a daily and nightly basis. Aside from cost, what is the difference between a surgical, lasting procedure and the procedures we perform on ourselves every day? Both are methods of beauty enhancement. How can there be condemnation in one and not in the other? Honestly, I don't think God cares either way. I think His concern is your heart and your relationship with Him. If you pray to Him with plump lips or thin lips, it doesn't matter. If you love Him as a size 4 or a size 14, it doesn't matter. If you kneel before Him with chubby thighs and a muffin top or with teeny titties and a flat belly, He loves you the same. There are no spiritual ramifications regarding external beauty enhancement whatsoever.

"Isn't it vanity?" I've heard that question a hundred times. The answer is simple. Yes. It is vanity, and if you read the words of King Solomon you'll understand that everything in life is vanity. The car you drive... vanity. The clothes you wear...vanity. The house you live in...vanity. So, before shaking a finger and muttering judgmental words about how true beauty is on the inside and only vain people get cosmetic surgery; look around you and cast the first stone... but before you throw it, I'd seek cover because that glass house is coming down. ~

Daisies

Dust to dust, ashes to ashes
like these teardrops on my lashes
will dry up and cease to be
so will painful memories...

In their place will grow a flower
as a sign of God's great power
when His faithfulness He shows me
in the daisies He grows me.

Live Your Lie

One day you wake up to find
You don’t know where you lost the time
The years are faded memories.

Your kids are grown
You’re all alone
You have a house but where is home
Just memories.

And in your heart that open wound
You told yourself would heal real soon
Is festering.

You have it all people say
But what do they know anyway
Your crippled inside.

And with that smile plastered on
You tell them there is nothing wrong
You know how to hide.

Conceal the anguish, mask the pain
And beg the Lord for strength again
You’re weakening.

Close your eyes, try not to see
You must escape this agony
For one more day, one more day
Push the flowing tears away.

“Never let them see you cry”
Be tough.
Be strong.
Live your lie.

Dormant Cravings

I wanted something I didn’t know
I had a yearning for.
I crossed a line
Now I find
I’m fearful there are more…

More cravings lying dormant
More desires somewhere deep
More lurking revelations
More secrets I must keep.

What kind of friend
have I been
when feelings ravage me?
A hurtful mate
from which a fate
I cannot fight nor flee.

Connection

The Earth is just a floating ball
of fusing energy;
Encompassing you, me and all
in it's totality;
A concept we find arduous
to profess we believe,
Yet one connecting each of us
to everything we see.

God of Mercy

A heart can shatter many times...

A mind can lose it's thought.

The body can be not so kind...

People can be bought.

But there is one who will remain ...

forever, faithful, true.

He is the God of mercy ...

with His hands outstretched for you.

No More

Life embittered in sweet pride,
a cover to unveil;
the hurtful lust that lies inside,
a jealousy to hail.
A passion angry at the soul,
a heartache not to cease;
a guilt residing that you go
and sorrow to release.
"I love you" spoken in sweet time
of precious memory;
"I'm sorry" spoken like a chime,
repeat, repeat, repeat.
Within the air the bells ring clear,
the time has come alas;
the battle that had drawn you near
has placed you in the past.
I am a fool two times or three
for opening that door;
for lingering so selfishly,
shall it be done no more.

Fanning Sinful Flames

A fire that burns and consumes with lust
will beat your heart down to a shattered dust.
A fire that leads you to giving in,
won't let you believe you're committing a sin.
The fire will burn deep down in your soul
you cannot avoid it
you're too weak to say no...

So you give to the fire by fanning it's flame,
when it's over you think you will die from the shame.
The fire will leave without saying goodbye
it will render no answers, just tell you more lies.
The fire returns when you think you have grown
and knocks you around 'til you lie there and moan.

The hurt that you feel is not physical pain,
but the sting of the heart
that was burnt by the flame.

Moments of Madness

There are times in my life
when my heart is not whole,
when my spirit is human
and weak to the soul.

There are moments of sorrow
and seconds of peace,
mere glances of anquish
resolved and released.

These times that I speak of
are lonely and cold,
when my mind is consumed
with shame's secrets, untold.

These moments of madness
of which I now tell,
are a mixture of sadness
sauteed rich in hell.

Rain

This cloud is pregnant with the rain
and ready to give birth
she writhes in pain ~
her water breaks and life anew
pours down on me
pours down on you,
waking every dormant seed,
fulfilling every craving need;
and cleansed herself, of purest white
rejoins her flock
in Heaven's light.

To The Grave

If I ask you a question
would you tell me the truth;
Or lie to protect my heart
like you do.
If I tell you a secret
will you promise to keep it
To the grave…
All your days…
To the grave.

(CHORUS)
To the grave is a phrase we know too well
An oath we take to never tell
Of the love we make
And the lives we fake
To the grave
In silence you and me
To the grave for eternity.

(VERSE)
If I told you I’m sorry
I do not regret
The moments we’ve shared
And I won’t forget
Would it scare you to know
I don’t want to let go
To the grave…
All our days…
To the grave.

(CHORUS)
To the grave is a phrase we know too well
An oath we take to never tell
Of the love we make
And the lives we fake
To the grave
In silence you and me

(BRIDGE)
To the grave is our vow and I know somehow
Though our love runs deep
Separate lives we’ll keep
to the grave…all our days…to the grave
(CHORUS)
To the grave is a phrase we know too well
An oath we take to never tell
Of the love we make
And the lives we fake
To the grave
In silence you and me
To the grave eternally.

Tidbits of Truth

One cannot always see the truth
until they’ve lived the lie.
Only when the fog has cleared
can ships pass safely by.
For when you dwell in darkness
light is painful to your eye.
Someday we face the secrets
we try desperately to hide.

Time embraced a thousand souls
before we came to be;
To no avail so many tried
to undo history;
But there lives a greater force
inside you and me...
One to gently prompt a course
toward promised destiny.

Unforgiven error is rotten to the soul.
The fruit lies in repentance
and in learning to let go;
Serve whatever sentence so the price is fully paid,
then let yourself no longer be a victim nor a slave.

If you have the chance to love
and if that love’s returned,
Make it all that you’ve dreamed of
Allow that love to burn ~
With lasting embers through the years
So all the world can see
The flame is stronger than the tears,
The shame, and misery ~

Here We Fall

Tears of sadness, tears of pain
My heart aching from this flame
burning in me...
Coals of envy for a time
when you could see this heart of mine
burning in me...

(CHORUS)
Here we are with scabs and scars
We've got words of knives
Or no words at all
Here we fall.
Here we fall.

(VERSE)
I'm broken, broken,
used up token
try to pry my heart open
but it's empty...

(CHORUS)
Here we are with scabs and scars
We've got words of knives
Or no words at all
Here we fall.
Here we fall.

(BRIDGE)
Help me please, I'm down on my knees
I'm starving for you
but you can't see the truth

(CHORUS)
Here we are with scabs and scars
We've got words of knives
Or no words at all
Here we fall.
Here we fall.
Here we fall.
Here we fall

Here we fall.

Walls of Stone

You say you love me
Then act like you don’t care
Solitude haunts me
Though you’re right there

(CHORUS)
You’re sittin’ at the kitchen table
I try to reach for you but I’m not able
You’ve built these walls of stone
In our home
And you left me on the other side
Alone

(VERSE)
You say the right words
but do you really care?
We share the same address
But baby, you don’t live here

(CHORUS)
You’re just sittin’ at the kitchen table
I try to reach for you but I’m not able
You’ve built these walls of stone
In our home
And you left me on the other side

(BRIDGE)
A blanket of loneliness covers me
When we turn out the lights
I try to kiss you, but all I hear
Is you whispering goodnight
(CHORUS)
Now I’m sittin’ at the kitchen table
Trying to understand but I’m not able
Why you built these walls of stone
In our home
And you left me on the other side
Alone

I Do Believe

Do you believe in destiny,
some kind of fate that takes
hold of you and me?
In the darkness
I feel your breath on my cheek
as you whisper "do you believe?"

(CHORUS)
I do believe
a greater power joins you and me
I feel a connection
I can't explain
It's beyond affection
pours down on me like rain
I do believe.

(VERSE)
The world spins round
and time moves on
In an instant
lovers are gone.
It's still your caress
that lingers on my breast
as you blend into me - do you believe

(CHORUS)
I do believe
a greater power joins you and me
I feel a connection
I can't explain
It's beyond affection
pours down on me like rain
I do believe.

(BRIDGE)
When I look at the moonlit sky, memories flood my eyes
I'm taken to a place and time when our spirits intertwined.

(CHORUS)
I do believe
a greater power joins you and me
I feel a connection
I can't explain
It's beyond affection
pours down on me like rain
I do believe.

I Can Be

So many times in relationships we try to morph who we are into what we think the other person wants us to be. It never works.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can be your rock star fantasy.
I can be your wildest dream.
I can be your temptress in white lace.
I can be your beauty queen.
I can call you Sugar Daddy,
and act like your little whore.
But it doeesn't mean a thing
if I'm not what you're looking for.

I can sip martinis late at night.
I can slam down a few beers.
I can be the one who picks the fight.
I can run away in tears.
I can be a social debutante.
I can fix a broke down Ford.
But if I'm not what you really want
you're bound to end up bored.

I can be barefoot and pregnant.
I can beat the corporate world.
I can be a nun, join a convent.
I can be your nasty girl.
I can be your trusted confidant,
lift your spirits from the ground.
But if I'm not what you really want
I will only let you down.

Off The Cuff

People say I should do this
Others say I should do that
You get really ticked
when I don't behave the way I should act.
Pointing out my giant flaws
You keep a list of my broken laws.
You say I do things without cause.
I'm not what I should be.
That's tough, I'm just me.

(CHORUS)
I'm off the cuff, in the buff
what you see is what you get.
If you think I'm not enough
you ain't seen nothing yet.
It's gonna be a ride
I'd like you by my side
But if you don't like how I play
step out of the way.

(VERSE)
What you want I may not do
Of my actions you won't approve
You're either with me or against
There ain't no sittin' on this fence.
Darlin' it's your choosing time
Stay or leave, make up your mind
You can blame me, but you can't change me
If you don't like what you see
That's tough, I'm just me.

(CHORUS)
I'm off the cuff, in the buff
what you see is what you get.
If you think I'm not enough
you ain't seen nothing yet.
It's gonna be a ride
I'd like you by my side
But if you don't like how I play
step out of the way.

(BRIDGE)
We could have a lot of fun
But I don't change for anyone

(CHORUS)
I'm off the cuff, in the buff
what you see is what you get.
If you think I'm not enough
you ain't seen nothing yet.
It's gonna be a ride
I'd like you by my side
But if you don't like how I play
step out of the way.

In The Gray

Sometimes the lines between right and wrong, left and right, black and white fade, run and blur when we try to balance amidst the tuggings of our minds and hearts. Sometimes we find ourselves dwelling "In the Gray"....


You say love is black or white
You say I must be crazy
Well, I might
I don't have the energy to put up a fight
Either you accept me
Or say goodnight

(CHORUS)
I live in the gray
what else can I say
The things I do
are done my way
I don't stay in the lines
I can't live confined
I've got to be free
I've got to be me.

(VERSE)
You define love by all it's laws
I weave in and out around love's flaws
You say the lines are clear to be seen
I have more fun in the in-between.

(CHORUS)
I live in the gray
what else can I say
The things I do
are done my way
I don't stay in the lines
I can't live confined
I've got to be free
I've got to be me.

I live in the gray and I like it that way.

I Will 'Cuz I Can

Do you ever miss the confidence of youth? This is a song I wrote in the arrogance of my youth many years ago.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't you think I see you, standing at the bar
I can see right through you, I know who you are.
I know what you're after, girl don't hold your breath.
I'm his better half and I'm not finished with him yet.

(CHORUS)
I will 'cuz I can
Fulfill my man
If you think you're smart
you'll go for someone else
I have got his heart
and I'm keeping it for myself.

(VERSE)
You can bat your lashes, but it don't mean a thing
He vowed ashes to ashes and I wear this diamond ring.
He may think you're pretty, girl anybody would
But that don't mean a ditty 'cuz he knows I'm good!

(CHORUS)
I will 'cuz I can
Fulfill my man
If you think you're smart
you'll go for someone else
I have got his heart
and I'm keeping it for myself.

Time Will Heal

Time will heal all the pain

like sunlight chases away rain.

Time will heal what's inside

like the moon guides the tide.

This heartache you feel

time will heal.

The Watering Hole

In that smoky bar he sat again
bourbon and coke his only friend
Unshaven chin and squinted glare
he dreamed of a place, and wished he were there.
He's been on the road forever it seems
chasing the demons that call themselves dreams,
tired and hungry, feeling alone
he wants to give up and longs to come home.

(CHORUS)
Home is the watering hole
a place of strength, a place to go
when you're feeling down and weak
it will lift you to your feet
and set you back upon the path to your dream.

(VERSE)
In a club 'cross town she danced on the floor
knowing deep inside there had to be more,
each one night stand left her empty inside
she lay in bed and cried.

(CHORUS)
Home is the watering hole
a place of strength, a place to go
when you're feeling down and weak
it will lift you to your feet
and set you back upon the path to your dream.

Traveling through the desert of life
with the wind on your back, the sun too bright
praying each step you take is right
to lead you to your dream;
but the road isn't steady, the path is long
you made some choices and they were wrong,
thirsty and tired and all alone
you want to give up and go back home

(CHORUS)
Home is the watering hole
a place of strength, a place to go
when you're feeling down and weak
it will lift you to your feet
and set you back upon the path to your dream.

Sharpest Tool

We've all met a gorgeous specimen, the proverbial "perfect" man. We've all seen someone whose looks alone have rendered us breathless. But what happens when that exterior beauty and inflated ego has nothing to offer on the inside? This is a spoof I wrote about a gorgeous specimen I met once in college. It's called "Sharpest Tool" and it's all meant in good fun.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I know you think he's cool
but he's not the sharpest tool
there's something lacking right above his neck;
He looks good by the pool,
when he speaks he is a fool
I'm telling you, he plays with half-a-deck.

He doesn't feel ashamed
when he mis-spells his own name.
He says things that don't even make sense.
I don't mean to be rude
but he's lacking an IQ
His name is listed beneath the word dense.

(CHORUS)
Sharpest Tool. Half-a-Deck.
There is no intellect.
I'm not even sure he can think.
He might be the missing link.

(VERSE)
You're eyeing his caboose
but he's got a screw loose.
I'd say he's a bubble short of plum.
I know you really care,
but he's not all there.
Girlfriend you better turn and run.

(CHORUS)
Sharpest Tool. Half-a-Deck.
There is no intellect.
Of a load, he's short a brick.
His mom calls him dimwit.
Girl, between me and you
this guy has no clue.

Right, Right Now

Someday we'll be looking back
the present will be past.
I don't want to wonder why
we didn't make this last.
Before tomorrow breaks
and today is yesterday,
Let's agree from now on
to put our differences away.

(CHORUS)
Let's make it right, right now
before a minute slips away
We only live one life
that's what people say.
So make it right, right now
forgive and forget
If we make it right, right now
we won't look back with regret.

(VERSE)
It takes two to make a vow
both give and receive
Looking back years from now
I don't want to feel sorry -
for what we should have said
all we could have done
It's easy to give up...
but I'd rather overcome.

(CHORUS)
And make it right, right now
before a minute slips away
We only live one life
that's what people say.
So make it right, right now
forgive and forget
If we make it right, right now
we won't look back with regret.

(BRIDGE)
We can let go of the hurt
Swallow our pride
There's nothing worse
than regret inside
The past is past
Our future is bright
if we...

(CHORUS)
Make it right, right now
before a minute slips away
We only live one life
that's what people say.
So make it right, right now
forgive and forget
If we make it right, right now
we won't look back with regret.

Fill My Vacancy

(VERSE)

The cards were stacked against us
right from the start.
Our love wasn't easy,
the best things never are.
Since you left I've been empty
I pretend it's not true.
The red light's flashing vacancy
and my heart calls for you.

(CHORUS)
I don't want anybody new
I just want somebody who
I used to know
The one I thought would never go.
I've tried new romance
All I want is a second chance
To make you see
You're the only one
You're the only one
You're the only one to fill my vacancy.

(VERSE)
Sure we had our troubles
just like everybody does.
But we had something special,
we shared true love.
Friends say I should move on
they say it wasn't meant to be.
But if you're not the one
why can no one fill my vacancy.

(CHORUS)
I don't want anybody new
I just want somebody who
I used to know
The one I thought would never go.
I've tried new romance
All I want is a second chance
To make you see
You're the only one
You're the only one
You're the only one to fill my vacancy.

(BRIDGE)
Other guys look me in the eyes
and say they love me.
I don't care 'cuz without you here
my heart's a vacancy

(CHORUS)
I don't want anybody new
I just want somebody who
I used to know
The one I thought would never go.
I've tried new romance
All I want is a second chance
To make you see
You're the only one
You're the only one
You're the only one to fill my vacancy.

Taken By The Wind

The cottonwood trees outside my door
Have blown their dust upon the ground.
As I rake them more and more
The leaves continue to fall down
In colors of deep red and brown.

I try as though it is a quest
To clear the yard of autumn's mess,
But find my will to be useless
Against the season's foe.
I turn inside to go.

The Journey

If someone had told me a few years ago
where I would journey,
down which path I would go -
I would have just laughed with a sarcastic glee
and boldly professed
"that would never be me!"

Yet, now here I am on this pathway of fate
as a woman renewed,
with a purified slate -
I can't help but smile, inside, to myself
as I look at past trials
and heartaches I've felt -
with the vision of hindsight and its clarity
I know my toughest fight
was the one against me.

So absorbed in myself I could not see the signs,
when I did in crept doubt,
said it's all in my mind -
I clung to a faith that was never my own...
but it's hard to escape
when it's all that you've known.

I rejected "religion" and all that it taught,
deep inside I could see
all their words were for naught -
though I felt no elation in spiritual form
on that quicksand foundation I stood... 'til the storm -

Then, as God spoke to Noah and said build an ark,
so enlightened was I on my quest to embark -
to acquire a knowing of Him called "Most High"
to begin inner growing, stop living this lie.

As the waters of knowledge poured into my soul
I was drowning in past things I had to let go -
through the floods of His cleansing
I took hold His hand
and He faithfully led me onto the dry land.

By unlocking the door to the wisdom He gave
I found peace, and much more -
I'm no longer a slave
to the world's obligations, the "have to's" and "shoulds"
I've rebuilt my foundation
this time with God's wood.

The path was not paved, there were times when I fell,
and I ranted and raved
thought He'd damn me to hell -
but the wonderful part, the most precious of all
is I learned in my heart that He'd not let me fall...
any further than into His open embrace
where the love gave me strength to get back in life's race.

Your Love Came

So many times in life
I've done what isn't right
Through selfishness
Restlessness
In hopelessness I've cried.
I lashed out all around me
And it ached in my soul
all the hate that found me
I couldn't let it go

(CHORUS)
Til Your love came
Like a summer rain
Washed away my pain
Cleansing me again
Your love came.

(VERSE)
Oh, the heartache deep inside
Was more than I could hide
through stubbornness
Hard-heartedness
Forgiveness in me died.
I blamed everyone around me
'Til it ached in my soul
All the pride that found me
I couldn't let it go

(CHORUS)
Til Your love came
Like a summer rain
Washed away my pain
Cleansing me again
Your love came.

(BRIDGE)
Even now, there are times
I walk a crooked line
Through fraility
Rigidity
Humility I can't find

(CHORUS)
Then it rains
Loving drops of rain
Wash away my pain
Cleansing me again and again
Your love came
Like a summer rain
Washed away my pain
Made me whole again
Your love came

I Know What It's Like

I know what it's like to feel hollow.
When words cut like a knife
it's hard to swallow.

I know what it's like to curl up and weep,
and pray with all your might
that you'll fall asleep.

I know what it's like to stand behind the scenes
and watch in agony
while someone else lives your dream.

I know what it's like to read God's truth
and want to live by faith
but still need proof.

I know what it's like to fail in everything,
to despise what you've become
to writhe in pain and scream.

I know what it's like to face rejection,
to look in the mirror
and hate your own reflection.

I know what it's like to be torn open,
to find nothing worldly worth
putting your hope in.

I know what it's like to feel weak...
I know of these things I speak...
for the only strength I own is God's and His alone.

Let The Bridges Burn

(VERSE)
When the one you love is loving someone new
Tell me then, what is a heart to do?
When it's clear your feelings will not be returned
You gotta turn around and let those bridges burn.

(CHORUS)
Let the bridges burn
In a blaze of flame
Light the torch
Don't look back
Let it scorch love's pain.
It's not easy this way
But one day you'll learn
To move on you've gotta
Let the bridges burn.

(VERSE)
A broken heart never mends too soon
Holding on is like salt in an open wound
You've got to face the fact, it wasn't your turn
Love will be reborn when you let the bridges burn

(CHORUS)
Let the bridges burn
In a blaze of flame
Light the torch
Don't look back
Let it scorch love's pain.
It's not easy this way
But one day you'll learn
To move on you've gotta
Let the bridges burn.

(BRIDGE)
Let the bridges burn in a fiery rage
Set a match to the past and turn the page

(REPEAT CHORUS)

From The Fire

(VERSE)
When I’m hollow
When I’m void of every thought
Tears I swallow
But pain pulls me down like a rock
When I’m broken
And I can’t find any peace
I keep hoping
The rain will pour down and bring me sweet release

(CHORUS)
From the fire that burns in my soul tonight
I need to escape.
From the fire that’s eating me alive
With its flames of rage.
From the fire I bleed
And drop to my knees
Begging please – set me free
From the fire…

(VERSE)
I’m suffocating
From the hate that’s in the air
Contemplating
Where I’ve been and how the hell I got here
Every mistake
Was a chance I didn’t take
All the memories
Scorch my spirit, God set me free

(CHORUS)
From the fire that burns in my soul tonight
I need to escape.
From the fire that’s eating me alive
With its flames of rage.
From the fire I bleed
And drop to my knees
Begging please – set me free
From the fire…

(BRIDGE)
It was cold and dark
When I saw a light
It filled my heart
And felt so right
I fanned the flames
How could I see
Once I stroked the fire, I could never leave

(CHORUS)
From the fire that burns in my soul tonight
I need to escape.
From the fire that’s eating me alive
With its flames of rage.
From the fire I bleed
And drop to my knees
Begging please – set me free
From the fire…

Take This Cup From Me

(VERSE)
Have you ever felt so lost
That no matter what the cost
You’d pay it just to find your way back home;
When all your hopes and dreams
Unravel at the seams
And the fabric of your life becomes un-sown ~

(CHORUS)
You hit your knees
Begging please
Take this cup from me
I’m terrified
I'm all alone
All I want is to
go back home.
I know God has a plan
That I can’t clearly see
But if there’s any other way, I pray
Take this cup from me.

(VERSE)
When you know you don’t belong
What felt right now feels wrong
And you can’t control the tears or hide the pain;
It’s the empty solitude,
The sleepless nights imprison you
Knowing every day the cycle starts again ~

(CHORUS)
You hit your knees
Begging please
Take this cup from me
I’m terrified
I'm all alone
I just want to
go back home.
I know God has a plan
that I can’t clearly see
But if there’s any other way, I pray
Take this cup from me.

(BRIDGE)
When you’re in the wilderness
And friends are far and few
There’s only one that you can trust
‘Cuz He’s walked in your shoes

(CHORUS)
He hit his knees
Begging please
Take this cup from me
He was terrified
He was all alone
All He wanted was
to go home.
He knew God had a plan
Humanity couldn’t see
He prayed if there's any other way
Take this cup from Me.

Sleepless Nights

What do you do when you find yourself lost
unsure if you’re able to count the cost;
When you’ve gone too far
without a plan,
when time like sand slips thru your hand;
With your mind and heart on puppet strings
and your body choosing its own thing…
what’s real and what is truly fact
carries little clout;
It comes down to how well you act
and mask each blinding doubt.
Although we point, and try to blame
we’re victims to no one.
Each person willing for the game
Has greater shame to come.
For even if in others eyes
you’re pure as morning light,
the mirror reflects unspoken lies
that taunt your sleepless nights.

An Affair That Never Happened

An Affair That Never Happened
© 2009 Susan Renee’

(VERSE)
You entered my mind today
No reason and no rhyme,
I tried to push the thoughts away
But they came back each time.
I’m trying to forget you
I’m trying to pretend
You never crossed the line between my lover and my friend.

(CHORUS)
It’s an affair that never happened.
A love we never made.
A chapter never written.
A game we never played.
A song without a melody.
It isn't hard to see,
A story with no ending
is the tale of you and me.

(VERSE)
If only it were easy
to turn and walk away
If only there was nothing
left for us to say
but like unfinished business
the tension of one night
keeps building ever stronger and closure’s not in sight.

(CHORUS)
It’s an affair that never happened.
A love we never made.
A chapter never written.
A game we never played.
A song without a melody.
It isn't hard to see,
A story with no ending
is the tale of you and me.
(BRIDGE)
We never let ourselves connect completely
The unknown holds our hearts at bay,
I wonder if we made love discretely
Would it be easier to walk away?
(CHORUS)
From an affair that never happened.
A love we never made.
A chapter never written.
A game we never played.
A song without a melody.
I wonder can they see?
This story with no ending...
the tale of you and me.

An affair that never happened... at least not physically.

A Kiss From Heaven

It was a beautiful morning in the Mayan Riviera Mexico and I walked the beach … well after breakfast, and well after all the serious shell collectors had come and gone. I was searching for small shells to take home and string into a necklace for my daughter, but there were no shells to be found… at least none worthy of keeping. As I walked, I started talking to God. I didn't know what to pray or whom to pray for. I tried praying my usual, "Thank you for this day…. Please protect my family … blah, blah, blah.." the words sounded as empty as I felt.

I was feeling frustrated, as I have most of my life, because I never seem to "fit" anywhere. I've never been certain that I was doing what I was meant to do, or living the life I was supposed to live. No matter how close I am to people or circumstances, I somehow still feel disconnected, like there is a plug somewhere that hasn't found the proper outlet. As I walked the beach that morning I began to pray, "God, where do You want me? What am I supposed to be doing? I know You are Lord and Savior of my life and my soul and my heart, and I know I am nothing without You, BUT why do I feel so lost? I don't want to test you, God, because I believe You are the all-powerful, Almighty God, but I want to feel you, and touch you, and I need to see you."

Staring out at the ocean, I told God that I loved Him, but that I didn't even know how to pray. "Take my life, my soul, my heart, God. Take it all for Your cause, just please show me that You're here and You're hearing me." I reminded Him that people in Old Testament times saw physical evidence of His power, and that I wanted to see that same evidence. I thought about Moses and the burning bush, and all those who witnessed the parting of the Red Sea, and ate manna from Heaven every morning in the wilderness. I knew I shouldn't NEED proof, as faith is believing in the unseen, but I desperately needed to see God.

I walked a little further, all the while telling God what a weak, unworthy, stupid sinner I am. "I'm just stupid, " I said, mentally comparing myself to my mother and sister, who outwardly have unshakable faith. "I want THAT faith!," I told Him.

Finally I gave up my search for shells and realized I was almost back to where I had begun, so I stopped to pray one last time. Facing the ocean I said, "God, I'm not testing you, but I'm asking you to give me a sign, one that is without a doubt from You, and one that I will never forget. "Lord", I continued "if you will send me the "perfect" shell, right here on this beach in the midst of these thousands of broken shell fragments, then I will know that you've heard me and it's from You and only You."

I stood for a few moments letting the water splash around my ankles as each new wave rolled in and made its way out again. Then as I turned to take a step, I saw it. Laying near my right foot was a PERFECT SHELL! It wasn't chipped, it wasn't dirty, and it was so large that it filled my entire hand as I lifted it from the sand. I knew that it could never have been missed by the anyone else walking that beach before me. It was exactly as I imagined it would be.

The wave of emotion that rushed over me was so tender that I cried. I felt Jesus' love gently enveloping me, assuring me that I belong to Him, that I'm okay and right where I'm supposed to be. I had asked Him for a sign that I could never forget and I know that someday I will be telling my grandchildren about the unforgettable day when Jesus blew me a kiss from heaven in the form of a "perfect shell".

If you've ever felt like God isn't listening or doesn't care... He does and He is... and all you have to do is ask Him.

The Soil of A Heart

Ending a relationship is always painful for at least one person involved. I think the best you can do is be tactfully honest and gentle with your words. The other person deserves the truth and they deserve to hear that truth from you. So, muster up the courage to be honest...

but always tread lightly when walking on the soil of someone's heart. You may not want to plant something there, but you need to leave it well-nourished ... someday someone else will want to plant a seed there.

Piss Me Off, But Don't Piss ON Me!

I know all too well about losing your temper, behaving irrationally, exploding, ranting, raving, the head-spinning kind of anger that leaves you physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. When you feel this anger it almost starts as agitation way down in your toes and works it's way up until your face is flushed and steam pours from each ear! The mind whirls with a thousand things it wants to say but the jaw tightens, eyes narrow, pressure mounts and only grunting utterances spew forth. You can't get the words out so your body takes over the communication thru eye rolls, pursed lips, stomping feet, and crossed arms. For me, it's pacing. I pace back and forth and back and forth like a lion searching for prey. Finally, the explosion of verbal lashings ignites and the tongue is inflamed! It twists, it turns, it dances, offering up an oral flogging of dynamic proportion! You stand there with puffed up pride, for you have spoken your mind, and you are right!

When you finally exhale and see the damage your tirade caused, you deflate. You look at the person who became the object of your anger and realize you just locked, loaded and fired all weapons with no mercy. Whether what you said was right or wrong, fact or fiction, suddenly becomes irrelevant. Only the pain matters now as you're swept away by a wave or remorse.


We all get angry … sometimes it's justified and sometimes it's just an over-reaction. While in the throes of anger, it is important to try to control your tongue. Some of my most regrettable moments in life are when I blurted something in anger that I wished I could later take back. Whoever coined the phrase, "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me," was a moron in my book. I'll take a stick or a stone any day over a harsh word that lingers in my heart for the rest of my life.


As I age I'm learning to bite my tongue a little more, to breathe before I speak. I have a long way to go on this one… but I'm trying… trying to realize that just because someone pisses me off, it doesn't give me the right to piss on them with my words... and vice versa.

How to Say "I'm Sorry" Like You Mean It

The phrase "I'm Sorry" is thrown around casually. Someone says they're having a bad day, we answer with "I'm sorry." Someone isn't feeling well, we say "I'm Sorry." I'm constantly hounding my children to learn to say, "I'm Sorry" after a confrontation with another child... even though their body language indicates it is rarely a heartfelt apology. There are defensive sorries, "Well, I'm Sorry then!" Argumentative sorries, "I'm sorry, you're sorry that I'm sorry!" So how do we utter these words with meaning?

I have found the best way to apologize when you are at fault is to go to the person face-to-face, look them in the eyes and ask their forgiveness. Most people in this world are good-hearted individuals. When they see you have mustered up the courage to come to them in person it already speaks volumes as to your sincerity. People who don't care don't take the time to go there. So sometimes just showing up has already softened their heart enough for your sincere apology to be heard. I've learned for most people an apology doesn't have to be elaborate, just heartfelt and spoken in truth. No accusations mixed in, no under the radar digs at the other person, no defenses... just a gesture of love that says, "I hurt you and I wish I hadn't."

Let those words sink in and pray for God to give them the strength to forgive you, and even the hardest of hearts can melt.

Played Out and Laid Out

Years ago I was on a sales call with a company I had sought after for several months. I was in a one-on-one meeting with the vice president of operations, hoping to close the deal, when out of nowhere he said, "I have a condo in Vail. Why don't you join me this weekend and we'll work out all the details."
I almost fell out of my chair. My first thought was that I had not heard him correctly, so I asked, "what?" He repeated the invite word for word. I know my face showed the shock I felt as I stammered, "I'm married."
He smiled and said, "me too."
I felt like one of those cartoon characters with steam pouring out my ears! I jumped to my feet and announced that this meeting was finished. As I gathered my things he said, "it's a shame, this would be a million dollar account for you."
I slammed my folder down on his desk and seethed, "I wouldn't screw you for a million dollars even if I were single!" Needless to say, I didn't get the account.

I don't know what makes some people think they can ignore the wedding band on another person's hand. Is it ego? Do these tactics have a high rate of success to encourage people to continue to behave this way, particularly in the workplace?

No matter where you work, there is a chance you will encounter men or women of this caliber. I think it's important not to let their advances be any reflection on how you view yourself. Stick to your high moral standards, decline their offers and walk away with your integrity in tact.

Rule of thumb: don't lay with a player or play with a layer…lest your career ends up played out and you end up laid out.

A Chance to Dance

How do you know when you're in love?

To quote a line from the box office flop, Meet Dave…. "when you're in love you don't have to ask that question." This is true to some degree, but I do think there are deeper signs of being in love than the fleeting feeling of butterflies in your belly and chills down your spine. For example: does he make you feel good about yourself? When you are with him does he lift your spirits even in troublesome times? Does he make you desire to be a better person? Do you long to be with him and talk with him? Do you desire intimacy with him because you feel sometimes you just can't get close enough? Do you see yourself growing old with him, and is it a picture that brings joy in your heart? Does he make you laugh often and hard?

Only you know if you're in love…and if you are, the rest of the world will see it in your eyes. Being in love is magical and ridiculously illogical… so bask in it…soak up every ounce of the feeling… for there is nothing on earth like it.

Let your heart out into the fresh air and give it the chance to dance.

Call Your Bluff

Have you ever jumped off a bluff into a river? Or off of a pier into the ocean below? The split second before you jump you inhale and hold your breath all the way down until you feel the water crashing around you. Then you scramble to the top of the water and gulp in a huge breath…panting with the excitement of the adrenalin rush! It's an awesome feeling! But before the jump, standing there looking down at the water, you feel nervous tension building. Fear tells you it's a long way down and you come face-to-face with the possibility of getting injured. You know you could hit a rock in the water. You know you could have a bad landing and break a bone. Anything could happen. Yet, you're drawn to the challenge, knowing victory lies with the one who jumps.



Aren't relationships the same? Don't we stand at the threshold of the unknown and jump, hoping the other person will be there to catch us? Aren't friendships the same? Don't we come to a point where we must decide whether to stand on the bluff and look down at a person's life, or jump in and tread water with them? How easy it is to stand on the pier…how comfortable it must feel when you don't have to be the one to face the fear of drowning or injury.


Jimmy Buffet sings a line I love: "I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead." In regards to relationships with other people, whether they are friends or lovers, do you really want to be on the sidelines? Do you really want to be a dead entity in someone's world when you could be sharing life with them? Why sit on the bluff alone? Don't let fear hold you back. It's time to "Call your Bluff." Inhale and jump. The water feels good.

A Yellow Tennis Ball

It was an Autumn morning in 1989 and I was late for class. My roommate and I were also late on paying rent and promised the landlord we would render it first thing that morning. The rental office sat next to the swimming pool, which was still covered with a plastic tarp for winter. Stressed because I was running late, I ran to the office door only to see a sign that said they would be back in fifteen minutes. The office door was locked and there was no place for me to leave our rent check. I was frustrated and plopped down in one of the lawn chairs next to the pool. On two different occasions I started to get up and leave, feeling torn between the urgency to make it to class and the agreement to pay the rent. Each time I felt compelled to stay and sat back down. I was agitated and growing evermore impatient. Yet something tugged at me to stay put. A few minutes later a little blonde headed boy wandered into the pool area. He was about four years old and was bouncing a yellow tennis ball on the ground and chasing after it. I nodded a brief hello as he passed by my chair. The next sound was a splash, as the yellow ball had bounced off the pavement and onto the top of the tarp, which was covered in dirty rain water and leaves. I saw the little boy bend over, trying to reach the ball. Before I could offer to help he slid onto the top of the tarp, face down in the water. His arms and legs flailed as he tried to lift his body up…but the tarp was too slimy and slippery. I ran to where he was and lay on my stomach, inching my way out as far as I could. I was just barely able to reach the heel of his left shoe. I pulled him to the edge and lifted him up off the tarp. His eyes were wide with fear and he coughed and spit all over both of us. The tennis ball was still gripped in his white-knuckled fist. I told him he was okay and asked where his mommy was. He pointed to the apartment building behind the pool. I told him to go straight home and tell his mommy what happened. Then I watched as he ran as fast as he could across the grass and into the building.

I stayed on my knees for a few moments, trembling and thanking God for keeping me at the pool, and using me to pull that little boy to safety. I often wonder if I was there for the purpose of rescuing the little boy or he was there for the purpose of rescuing me from a dried up faith? Perhaps we were there in that precise moment to rescue each other. I don't know. But I do know that God kept me in that lawn chair for the purpose of having that encounter with the little boy… and I know it wasn't because I had some special ability to help him… but rather I had availability. Sometimes I think God doesn't expect a lot from us…sometimes all we have to do is just show up and trust Him.

"Weight" It Out

I am 5'6", though I wear heels all the time so most of my friends actually think I'm taller than I am. When I delivered my daughter I out-weighed my 6'2" husband. I gained 84 pounds during pregnancy! That's a lot of weight to add to one body in a short period of time. It was devastating. I felt embarrassed to go out in public and never prompted love-making with my husband because I was too ashamed of my own body. I looked like the Michelin Man, and I felt like him too. It took me a year to lose those 84 pounds, but they came off. There were many tearful nights of failure and many crabby dieting days, but I eventually got my body into shape. I hate exercising, but I love to dance and so I literally danced my butt off. My husband was key to my success as he encouraged me when I felt down, he motivated me to keep going when I wanted to quit and he committed himself to becoming healthier as well, so it felt like a team effort. It was our "battle of the bulge" and we came out victorious.... because we did it together.

If you're tackling a bulging belly or a back end that doesn't end, don't give up... and remember the weight game is a "wait" game... it doesn't happen overnight...but it can happen!

The Sorrow of Divorce

When a marriage ends it is the ripping apart of two lives. Even in the most amicable separations, hearts are torn wide open, never sliced evenly and tenderly. It causes bleeding, scarring and wounds that will not be forgotten. It is a major life stressor and touches every area of their world. To describe divorce as heartbreaking is an understatement. Even those who put on an outward façade of strength crumble beneath the pressure. They mourn for the loss of the relationship and grieve for the dream of a life together. People don't stop loving each other just because they sign a paper marked "irreconcilable differences." Those feelings take a long time to melt away.


In the Bible in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 God talks about there being a time for everything in this life, and this "time" refers to the changes of our life. A time to weep, to laugh, to mourn, to dance, to embrace, to refrain, to tear, to mend, etc. The key is to allow yourself this time to hurt because the fact is, divorce hurts. Everyone's needs are different and one person may bounce back from a divorce in a matter of months while another may take years. It's a deeply personal journey of healing and only you will know when your heart is ready to love again.

Unfortunately people walk this path, but fortunately you don't have to walk it alone. God understands your heartache and He hears your cries of pain. He has written what I call little love notes all throughout the Bible to remind us that He is here. I'll share some of my favorites with you. These are the ones that I cling to with white knuckled fists and teary eyes in some of life's most painful times:


§ When I feel all alone … God says in Hebrews 13:5 "I will never leave you nor forsake you." This is my favorite because people will come in and out of our worlds, but God stays forever. Humans are flawed and will break our hearts, but God brings healing and comfort.

§ When I feel frustrated, scared, upset and worried… God says in I Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." We don't have to carry the burden alone.

§ When I feel like I can't get thru something, I can't overcome the heartache or remove the depression… God says in Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." I don't have the strength to face the painful things this world brings, but God does and when I take His hand and walk with Him I know I'm going to come out all right.


Only God's peace, comfort and healing can restore you to a place where you will be ready to fall in love again. God knows your heart better than anyone and in Psalm 37:4 He promises that if you delight in Him, seek Him and trust Him, "He will give you the desires of your heart."


Psalm 27:14: "Wait on the Lord, be strong and take heart, and wait on the Lord." Human beings fail relationships... but God never fails.

Egos & Assholes

I listened to a woman complain about a man she is dating, and his inflated ego. It made me laugh out loud and brought back memories of a guy I dated in college. He thought he was God's gift to this universe. His arrogance was not completely unjustified, as he was very good looking and a sharp dresser…however, the buck stopped there. On the personality meter he scored below zero, though he thought he was quite witty. One night we were going to a military ball and I was wearing a red strapless evening gown. He came to pick me up and said, "is THAT the gown you're wearing tonight?" I joked, saying, "no, this is the evening gown I usually wear to answer the door, my other gown is upstairs." He was annoyed by my sarcastic quip and went on to tell me that red was too cliché and I should be wearing a black gown. An argument ensued wherein I told him to find another date for the ball. He stormed out, but before leaving he turned around and said, "I'm the best thing that ever happened to you and you just threw me away." I stared at him wondering how an ego that large could lurk in one human body. Then I shut the door and never looked back.

I ran into him years later at a restaurant. He sauntered up to me and said, "you probably don't remember me." I answered, "sure I do… you were the best thing that ever happened to me." He blushed. I smiled and added, "and I threw you away." Then I left and never looked back again.

There are enough good-hearted, down-to-earth men out there, leaving no need for any woman to tolerate such egotism. Egos are like assholes, full of hot putrid air!

Long Live the Queen

I don't know why it is, but for some reason women think we should feel overwhelmed with joy upon our husband's reappearance into the home after a lengthy business trip. We should feel a desire to run to him and blissfully embrace him with wholehearted thankfulness upon his homecoming. We should leap passionately into his arms, smothering him with kisses! We should beg him never to leave again for we can scarcely scrape by without him!

Keep THAT dream alive!

Unless you are a Stepford Wife or live in Beaver Cleaver Land this is not reality. The real picture is more like this… He leaves on a business trip, leaving you to run the household, tend to the children, do all the carpooling, cook, clean, help with homework, bathe the kids, read to the kids, play with the kids, and handle any unforeseen malfunction which occurs while he's away. Then, if you work you scramble to get yourself ready and go to your own job. Let's face it…you do most of this when he's in town… so doing it when he's gone isn't a big change. The subtle difference is when he is out of town you lose your buffer zone. You don't get to take a breath. You have no back-up in the home. The kids know it. You know it. So everything functions like a military base on heightened alert. Everyone in the home knows the schedule and operates accordingly. It runs as a well-oiled machine…as a well-behaved kingdom and you are Queen!

Now, the King returns. From the moment he steps one foot in the door, your kingdom enters a realm of chaos. Daddy's home and Daddy doesn't know the rules in the kingdom. Daddy doesn't adhere to the schedule. Daddy tries to over-rule the Queen! Is it no wonder thoughts of mutiny enter your royal mind? You grit your teeth, forcing a smile. He obliviously smiles back, with no idea what's in your head. Tension mounts. He does things like take the kids outside to play after you just bathed them! He doesn't enforce bedtime because their "favorite" show is on… even though every mom knows the show right before bedtime is always the "favorite!" The children work him like a charm and you watch as he creates little beasts out of your once noble subjects. You get angry. He is confused. For, in his mind, the King has returned…there should be great celebration with banquet tables of food and wine! You crawl into bed his first night back and he wraps his arms around you. For a brief moment you exhale and think, it's nice to have him home, to hold you. Then his hand moves from your waist to your breast…you roll your eyes and utter, "you've got to be kidding me."

He's excited, he's missed you. You're tired, frustrated by the chaos he caused. He wants you. You want sleep.

Feeling agitated when your husband returns from a trip is normal. He brings with him extra laundry and you now have to alter your cooking to fit his taste, which is usually substantially more work than feeding yourself and the kids. Feeling frustrated upon his return is no reflection of your love for him. It just takes a couple days to adjust to the King being home. Cut yourself some slack in the guilt department and remember: Long Live The Queen!

Dancing by the Firelight

A long time ago a friend of mine wrote me a letter. In this letter they warned me not to "dance with the devil and expect to spin away untainted." Truer words could not have fallen on deafer ears at that particular moment in my life. Still, I kept this letter. Twenty years passed. My youthful outlook has faded. My untouchable attitude has been squashed. I read this letter again, but this time through the eyes of a woman who has danced with the devil and possesses the scars to prove it. A woman who has laid at the feet of the seducer and pleaded for mercy or death, caring not which one was extended. A woman with a longer list of sins then most, if not all of you, reading this blog. A woman who looks back and sees the girl who could not show love because of her own self-hatred. A woman who sees the mirror image of a life that could have been if only she hadn't allowed the girl to hide in shame. A woman repulsed by the choices of the past. And who wishes the girl would have taken that letter to heart... listened when she had the chance and had the courage to speak truth when it needed to be spoken.

We all have regrets about our past. We all wonder "what if' or ponder what could have been. I hear people say, "I don't regret the past because it shaped who I am today." I admire the peace in these people, though I cannot relate to them. I can't get my head around this statement. I regret the sins of my past. Period. I regret things I did wrong as well as wrong things that were done to me. I am who I am today solely by the mercy of God and by His hand on my life. I am grateful for this more than words can express. Even so, I cannot help but wonder how much did I miss out on while I was dancing with the devil? How could God have been using me for the purpose of good while I was being beaten down by wrong choices and embittered emotions?


The Eagles sing a song entitled "Get Over It." My favorite line in this song is: "you bitch about the present and blame it on the past, I'd like to find your inner child and kick it's little ass. Get over it!" I feel empowered by that line! Yes, I regret the past, but I refuse to wallow in that regret. Yes, I wish I had been a better person, but I use this feeling to motivate me to be a better person today. I remember the past only as a reminder that I don't want to dance with the devil again. I want to burn the pages from the book of past and dance by the firelight beneath the moon and the stars… all the while thanking God for bringing that which is most precious and amazing into my life in His perfect timing.

Wipe, Flush, Walk Away

A friend recently emailed about a topic that has weighted down my heart. I empathize with her frustration and hurt. She shared a story about a relationship that ended badly and how she felt more affected by this man's lies than the fact that their romance was over. Whether we are talking about a romantic relationship or a platonic friendship, whether it is someone of the opposite sex or the same sex, words can tear your heart out. As little kids on a playground we holler, "you take that back," when someone insults us. In real life, in the adult world, there are no "take backs." Words wound deep. They don't just stab one time, but lie dormant in your heart and fester. They rot self-confidence, eat away self-esteem and gnaw at the very fabric of self-worth. Words literally destroy people from the inside out. We can all think of a time in our life when we said something we wish we could take back. We all have skeletons tucked away, things we wish we hadn't done. It hurts when someone drags them out and shoves them in our face. It hurts when they twist the past to fit a present motive and manipulate the perspective of your heart's intent. It hurts when someone believes something about you that isn't true… or that hasn't been true for a very long time. When someone hurts us with words we begin to build walls around our heart. We begin to suspect that others in our life will hurt us in this same fashion. We begin to fear that those we have entrusted with our secrets, our past sins, the essence of our shattered humanity will one day turn on us as well. We fear their judgment and ultimately their rejection. It is no wonder, after our heart has been stomped on, that we briefly take a step back from everyone in our world. It is natural to withdraw, to want to hide and run away.

Bitter words bring deep-rooted sorrow. Sorrow that causes intermittent tears and a broken spirit. There is no logical answer as to why people callously strike out at others with a viperous tongue. There is no explanation for such hatefulness. There is no vaccine to remove the sting when you are bitten by their words. I understand your urge to defend yourself, but to what avail? Cling to the truth in your heart with white-knuckled determination. Don't allow one man's bitter words to annihilate you. He has no right to be your judge and jury. We all have a past worth running from. We all have something to hide. God is the only judge. The reason God is the only judge is because He is the only one who is able to look at the heart, not merely at words and actions. God sees intent. God knows motive. God understands desire. I encourage you to cling to this truth and let other people's judgments on your life fall where they belong… then wipe, flush and walk away.

Marital Sex Should Be a Mission, Not Merely MIsSioNary!

It may surprise you how many married couples rarely have sex or describe their sex life as mundane, predictable and even boring. The General Social Society reported that married men and women, on average, have sex with their spouse 58 times per year. Even more alarming is the report by Newsweek noting 15% to 20% of couples have sex less than 10 times a year, which is defined as a "sexless" marriage. There are many reasons and many more excuses. This book is designed to highlight the distraction, belay the excuse, remove the guilt, forego the pressure, and rekindle the spark of passion you once felt between the sheets.
We all know the sexual craving of our teenage, hormone-raging years subsides. Time has a way of diminishing desire. Adulthood brings responsibilities that distract sexual interests. Careers and parenting take exhaustion to new defining levels. These are facts of life but should not be used as excuses for prevailing lethargy. When sex drive fades from a raging bonfire to a flickering flame, it’s time to take action, to fan that flame, to get on your knees and blow on it until it gets bigger! Yeah, I went there. When women begin to view sex as a chore and men only get it when they beg for it, there is chink in the marital armor. When both partners complain that sex has become mundane, there’s a kink in the marital hose. The same position. The same movement. The same touch. The same thrust. The same moan. I’m getting bored just writing about it! No wonder a recent survey by Durex showed that people around the world (men and women alike) reported a greater desire to go out with friends than have sex with their spouse. If missionary is as good as it ever gets, I’d certainly be prone to choose dinner and movie instead. Marriage, though comfortable, too often becomes the burial ground for expressed sexuality, when by all rights it should be the birthing arena of sexual creativity.
Sex should not always be missionary but it must always be a mission in your marriage. We were created as sexual beings and marriage was designed to be the playground on which our sexuality romps.

CHAPTER ONE - Constant Craving

She pushed him down in the chair and climbed across his lap to straddle him. Pressing her body firmly against his, she kissed him deeply while moving her hips in slow circular motion. She welcomed his caress with a quiet sigh, and arched her back to allow his tongue to find its way to her breasts. Grinding passionately against him she could feel the fortitude of his unspoken response. Chills of satisfaction ran through her as he looked in her eyes with a wanting she hadn’t seen in years. ~

Now that I have your attention, let me pose this question, how long has it been since you felt desired by your spouse? How long has it been since your spouse has felt this wanting from you? Can you remember the last time you felt such intensity of passion that you couldn’t rip each other’s clothes off fast enough? There is no greater feeling than being wanted. There is no greater craving than the constancy of wanting to be wanted. It is a need that is built into the fabric of our nature. God designed human beings to require touch and intimacy. We were not created for loneliness; thus marriage struggles to survive when there is lack of affection.
Sexual intimacy is the main artery to marital communication and bonding. And communication is the key to sexual intimacy. It is difficult, if not impossible, to regularly engage in sex with your spouse and remain emotionally, mentally or spiritually disconnected. Sex causes all channels to tune in, static free. We no longer live in the simplicity of an adjust-the-rabbit-ear world. We have satellite and cable, with hundreds of viewing options and remote control. Technologically we have evolved and sexually we must do the same. Twin beds and once a week sex doesn’t cut it in today’s marriage. Our relationships demand more because our environment offers more; thus we have grown to need more. Sexual stimulation in marriage is directly tied to overall communication in marriage so you cannot unplug one without it negatively affecting the output of the other. You must have something to Input in order to expect Output. It’s basic wiring. When you stop having sex the communication conduit becomes clogged and marriage begins to suffer from shrinkage. It shrivels up like a penis in a cold pool! Seinfeld fans know what I’m talking about. Marriage requires the warmth of physical touch to survive and the constancy of sexual intimacy to thrive.
Human beings are uniquely designed to be creatures of habit. We get into a routine and soon that routine becomes our normal pattern of existence. We get up at a particular time and go to bed around a particular time. We have night time rituals like washing our face and brushing our teeth. We like to eat at certain times during the day and find ourselves adapting to feeling hungry when the noshing hour nears. It is no different with sex. Once you begin to make sexual activity a normal pattern in your life, the craving for sex will increase to meet the output. Sexual bonding is designed to reinforce itself, thereby providing stability within the marriage. You crave more as you get more which in turn drives you to pursue it more frequently.
This constant craving is innate, inborn, and instinctive. Sex was designed for the purpose of procreation but that is far from its only purpose. Research has shown there are numerous health benefits to frequent sex. These include improvement in self-esteem, deeper emotional attachment, better posture, lower incidence of illness, lowered stress and less anxiety, youthfulness, more energy, muscular contraction and better bladder control, increased circulation, greater levels of the hormones dopamine and oxytocin, proven to be natural anti-depressants, promotes cardiovascular health, reducing the risk of heart attack or stroke, helps people sleep better, not to mention the overall joy of physical satisfaction. Wow! We should be committing ourselves to frequent sex for the physical benefits alone, not to mention the relational rewards. Sex should be part of our physical exercise routine. Go run a mile then come home and ride in style! In the words of a Big & Rich song, we should all “save a horse, ride a cowboy.” Yee Haw! ~

The Failure of Feeling Forty

Audrey sat, wiping tears as they bypassed her cheeks and dripped straight to her lap. Their fight had been one of the worst in a long time. Not to mention it happened while she was still reeling from an argument two nights prior. Admittedly she was edgier than usual. Everything seemed to be causing tension to heighten inside. She wasn’t sure why. Other than to say she felt empty, there was no explanation. He seemed less patient with her as well. And why shouldn’t he be, this wasn’t the first time she’d gone off on him for seemingly no reason. Audrey’s shoulders drooped further as her heart felt weighted down by remorse. She’d slammed a door that knocked a picture off the wall and broke the glass. She knocked over chairs and even slapped him at one point during their fight. But the very worst part was his response when she yelled that he should just divorce her. For the first time ever, he seethed back, “you might get the divorce you’re asking for!” His words instantly broke her. She fell into a heap of uncontrollable sobs which lasted throughout the night. Even today she sat, unable to think about his comment without her eyes welling with tears and that sickening feeling rising up in the pit of her stomach.
The truth is she loves him. There is no one else nor does she want anyone else. Still, she can’t help but feel unattractive and at times unwanted. Something deep down feels unsettled and unfulfilled. Everything she does feels futile. Everything she enjoys to do is considered a frivolous time consumer, providing no monetary value to their lives. She feels like a failure. Approaching the age of forty she reflects on her life and there is little accomplishment and no achievement worthy of mention. Life is half over and she has done nothing. Nothing. Audrey has tried to explain this to her husband. She’s cried in his arms but her heart has not been seen nor the agony of her soul heard. Last night the frustration of being unable to make him understand came to a head, and she exploded in rage and heartache. She feels let down and unnoticed. She feels everything in their life revolves around his schedule, his work, his desires. “I make the money,” he has said matter-of-factly at times when she has complained about his work schedule. “And what do I make,” she has wondered so many times. Dinner. Carpool. Runs to the grocery store. Nothing of consequence. Nothing of meaning. Nothing worthy of recognition. It all feels like nothing. The failure engulfs her and she falls to her knees weeping again.

Attraction Reaction - The Hot Doc

There are people in this world that attract each other with an undeniable force …like a magnetic pull that cannot be re-directed. People often feel once they are married they should only be attracted to their spouse and their spouse should only have eyes for them. This is a wonderfully romantic notion, but in reality the human psyche isn't wired that way. We notice people and we notice when people notice us. It's like that old song wherein the chorus goes: "I was looking back to see if he was looking back to see if I was looking back to see if he was looking back at me."

Years ago my daughter needed to see an ENT doctor. She was only two years old so she sat on my lap in the examination chair. When the doctor walked in I could not physically take my eyes off this man. He was jump-out-of- GQ – gorgeous! His smile made my knees weak and I found myself suddenly befuddled. Butterflies were dancing in my stomach as if I were a teenager with a crush on the cute jock! With my daughter on my lap, leaning back against me, he began to lean forward to examine her ears. He was literally inches from my face and I found I could not breathe! I was flushed, trying to redirect my eyes and concentrate on anything else. Noticing my obvious discomfort, he looked at me…with a gleam in his eyes…and a half smile… just inches away, and said, "is everything okay?" I about fell out of the chair!

That was the undeniable force of attraction at work. I didn't know this man, but something inside of me leapt to life and I was physically drawn to him. Being a married woman I started to feel guilty, thinking I shouldn't have felt anything for this handsome stranger. Several visits later, the guilt was eating at me, so I came home and told my husband. "I want this man," I admitted. He shrugged it off. "No," I insisted, " I want this man." I explained exactly how I felt and during our heart-to-heart talk I realized that feeling attraction to another person doesn't mean you're unhappy in your marriage… it means you're a human being. Getting all weak in the knees doesn't mean you don't love your spouse…it means there will always be a part of you that wants to be wanted. It feels good when someone wants us. From the time we are children on the playground screaming "pick me" we innately desire to be desired. And it's okay, even when you're married. Being married doesn't mean you gouge your eyeballs out, committing to never look at another person…but it does mean when you find yourself drawn by that undeniable force of attraction, you have the inner fortitude to put on the breaks. Wanting is merely a part of being human, so don't beat yourself up. I encourage you to be wise and be honest with yourself and your spouse. When you confess what is in your heart you allow your spouse the opportunity to know you better, be sensitive to your emotional needs, and engage in a new level of intimacy with you. There is something powerful in facing raw human desires with complete and honest openness.

Attraction isn't damaging…. Your reaction to it can be. So when you find yourself drawn to that handsome stranger, pray for wisdom and if nothing else, say "feet don't fail me now" and run like hell the other way!

Mums the Word

Communication is crucial in any relationship, and though it is important to be open and honest, it is also necessary to choose your words carefully. The terrible thing about words is you can't ever take them back. You can't stop time and suck them out of the person's ears and back into your mouth. The split second a damaging word leaves your tongue, a wound is eminent. Words don't just sting once either…they fester and boil and throb and cause an aching sore deep in the tender spot of your soul. Even an apology can't remove the lesion.

We've all had moments where we've shut our mouth one second too late and hurt someone we loved. Maimed by a verbal lashing we've brought tears to other's eyes, and flooded our own souls with regret. Information we should have kept to ourself has upset a friend. Things we shouldn't have disclosed has harmed a relationship. Angry utterances and frustrated ranting has brought sadness.

How can the tongue be such a fierce and vicious weapon of destruction? There are some secrets not worth disclosing… some truths not worth knowing… because the affliction accompanying them is too great to ask anyone to carry.

Key to remember is before we speak, ask ourselves if what we're about to say is for our benefit or the benefit of the other person. If it's not for them than Mum's the Word!

Weighted Down Attraction

What happens when you wake up one day and find yourself no longer physically attracted to your spouse?

It goes without saying the human body changes with time. Cellulite takes over our thighs, hips widen, butts enlarge, hair thins, teeth yellow, heads go bald, bellies bulge, hair grays, veins you didn't know you had, pop out to add artistic impression, and breasts display a sudden need to reach toward your knees. Metabolism slows and you start to realize you can't eat all the stuff you could before. That mid-night cheeseburger binge now sits in your stomach like a rock and you start to feel you gain weight just by looking at yummy foods! Bodily changes affect all of us and can definitely hinder attraction, reduce sex drive and put distance in a relationship.

When changes in your spouse's appearance begin to negatively affect how you feel about him or her, it's time to take action. First, go look in the mirror and truthfully note all the things you think your spouse may not find attractive about you. We all have areas that need improvement and before you can point out theirs you need to look at yours. Second, focus on the positive things that you love and enjoy about your spouse. Focus on the inner attributes and let those draw you near. Third, and most difficult of all, have an open dialogue about your feelings and devise a plan together. Find ways to increase nutrition, lower fat and calories, and exercise together. Get creative with your ideas as you find ways to get the blood pumping. Tackle this issue with a "you and me against the world" mentality; with both of you commiting to a healthier, more active lifestyle.

Marriage is a commitment "for better or for worse." Sometimes "for worse" entails having conversations on tender topics like weight and aging. How you present your feelings is key to the success of overcoming this hurdle. Tread tenderly on emotional terrain, making sure you don't point fingers but rather take hands and walk together toward a healthier life.

A Little "Somethin' Somethin'"

Numerous psychological studies have shown there is a direct correlation between sexual activity and marital satisfaction. Many studies have concluded that sexual inactivity is a warning sign that something else is wrong in the relationship. You can read thousands of case studies by conducting a simple internet search on marital sexual behavior.

I believe sex is such an incredibly strong component of marriage that God, Himself, addressed it in the Bible, stating we should not withhold our bodies from one another.
I Corinthians 7:4-5 reads: "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

In the Old Testament marital sex is referred to as "knowing" one another. When we make-love to each other it is a bonding that cannot be created in any other way. It is as if the physical connection opens the corridor to a deeper emotional, mental and spiritual joining. When the "two shall become one flesh" occurs (denoting sex) something magically unexplainable happens!

When we allow the external world to limit our internal connection with our spouse, we actively damage the pipeline and communication suffers. The longer we go without physical bonding, the more the marriage stagnates, leaving both partners vulnerable to the forces of temptation. So, in my humble opinion, based on the conclusions of psychological research and the wisdom of God Almighty, I urge you to make-love to one another every possible chance you get.

A little "somethin' somethin" goes a long way!

Innocence and Opulence

I laugh at the comedic picture of the male innocence taking on the female opulence in relationship "how-to's." I believe whole-heartedly that most men are not malicious users of women; that they just can't get their head around what a woman wants. Most women are not coy, manipulators of men. We should all cut each other some relationship slack now and then. Just as men struggle to comprehend the ever-changing mind of a woman, women have difficulty fathoming why men do or say the things they do. The fact that men and women draw each other is testament to the miraculous power of God in his creation of both sexes. Had He not designed us to crave the other, I cannot imagine how we would ever come together. We are indeed a species from Mars and Venus, speaking different languages of the heart. This is why I encourage men and women to talk openly and honestly about everything on their minds. With open communication the games stop and the real relationship begins.

The less "what ifs" in your head, the fewer "tiffs" to be had.

Fanciful Feel or Real Deal

There are many stages of the powerful connection we call "love." There's the butterfly-in-your-stomach, mushy-gushy romantic excitement of falling in love. There's the settled-in, comfortable, old-hat companionship type of love. There's the purely platonic, I-love-you-like-a-brother kind of love. And a gamut of defining characteristics in between. There is a big difference between true love and the fleeting 'in love' emotion. True love is loving someone with unconditional permanence. It is much deeper than a fanciful falling in-love. Over time the "in love" feeling wears off any relationship, but the manifestation of a deeper love remains. If it doesn't the relationship dies. This deeper love is lasting regardless of external circumstances. It is not based in hollow humanity, but in something Divine. This deeper love doesn't exist because it has to, but because it doesn't know how not to.

True love is not defined by the mind nor confined by time. It stretches over miles and reaches beyond years. It is ageless and priceless. It cannot be thwarted because it is interwoven like a lattice structure throughout the heart. True love is a sub-conscious force that accepts the other person wholeheartedly, longs for them enthusiastically, cares for them unreservedly and treasures them undeniably. Even when it hurts, true love remains. Even in anger, true love stays. For those who share it know it is a force that permeates their soul. It is illogical, irrational and yet irrefutably the most powerful connection of the heart.

A fanciful feeling is fleeting... you'll feel the real deal forever!

From Fizzle to Sizzle

What do you do when marital sex feels old-hat and boring? How can a couple rejeuvenate their sex life?

My best advice to take you from fizzle to sizzle in the bedroom is to surrender your inhibitions to each other. Verbalize the things you want. You and your spouse might be thinking the same thing but you'll never know until you talk openly. People often feel afraid to engage in something others may find kinky. They feel too shy to say, "I want to try THAT" in bed. Think of sex like walking into a Baskin-Robbins. You've got your classic flavors (your regular routine positions). You already know which of these you like. Before you order up the usual, take a look around. There's a colorful display of flavors, toppings, and sauces. There's sherbert, ice cream and yogurt. There are even cakes, pies and frozen dessert bars. Instead of the plain old chocolate cone, why not order a "boom chocolacka-lacka" and really tantalize those tastebuds?! If you try something and you don't like it you don't have to do it again. In fact, you don't even have to finish doing it the first time.

The point is, sex is something that can be as creative and exciting as you want to make it. So spice it up by sharing your ideas with each other. Allow yourself and your partner to think outside the box. The rules are, as long as you two are in agreement, there are no rules. You may find that the things that make you blush often bring the greatest rush!