Sharpest Tool

We've all met a gorgeous specimen, the proverbial "perfect" man. We've all seen someone whose looks alone have rendered us breathless. But what happens when that exterior beauty and inflated ego has nothing to offer on the inside? This is a spoof I wrote about a gorgeous specimen I met once in college. It's called "Sharpest Tool" and it's all meant in good fun.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I know you think he's cool
but he's not the sharpest tool
there's something lacking right above his neck;
He looks good by the pool,
when he speaks he is a fool
I'm telling you, he plays with half-a-deck.

He doesn't feel ashamed
when he mis-spells his own name.
He says things that don't even make sense.
I don't mean to be rude
but he's lacking an IQ
His name is listed beneath the word dense.

(CHORUS)
Sharpest Tool. Half-a-Deck.
There is no intellect.
I'm not even sure he can think.
He might be the missing link.

(VERSE)
You're eyeing his caboose
but he's got a screw loose.
I'd say he's a bubble short of plum.
I know you really care,
but he's not all there.
Girlfriend you better turn and run.

(CHORUS)
Sharpest Tool. Half-a-Deck.
There is no intellect.
Of a load, he's short a brick.
His mom calls him dimwit.
Girl, between me and you
this guy has no clue.