Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Attraction Reaction - The Hot Doc

There are people in this world that attract each other with an undeniable force …like a magnetic pull that cannot be re-directed. People often feel once they are married they should only be attracted to their spouse and their spouse should only have eyes for them. This is a wonderfully romantic notion, but in reality the human psyche isn't wired that way. We notice people and we notice when people notice us. It's like that old song wherein the chorus goes: "I was looking back to see if he was looking back to see if I was looking back to see if he was looking back at me."

Years ago my daughter needed to see an ENT doctor. She was only two years old so she sat on my lap in the examination chair. When the doctor walked in I could not physically take my eyes off this man. He was jump-out-of- GQ – gorgeous! His smile made my knees weak and I found myself suddenly befuddled. Butterflies were dancing in my stomach as if I were a teenager with a crush on the cute jock! With my daughter on my lap, leaning back against me, he began to lean forward to examine her ears. He was literally inches from my face and I found I could not breathe! I was flushed, trying to redirect my eyes and concentrate on anything else. Noticing my obvious discomfort, he looked at me…with a gleam in his eyes…and a half smile… just inches away, and said, "is everything okay?" I about fell out of the chair!

That was the undeniable force of attraction at work. I didn't know this man, but something inside of me leapt to life and I was physically drawn to him. Being a married woman I started to feel guilty, thinking I shouldn't have felt anything for this handsome stranger. Several visits later, the guilt was eating at me, so I came home and told my husband. "I want this man," I admitted. He shrugged it off. "No," I insisted, " I want this man." I explained exactly how I felt and during our heart-to-heart talk I realized that feeling attraction to another person doesn't mean you're unhappy in your marriage… it means you're a human being. Getting all weak in the knees doesn't mean you don't love your spouse…it means there will always be a part of you that wants to be wanted. It feels good when someone wants us. From the time we are children on the playground screaming "pick me" we innately desire to be desired. And it's okay, even when you're married. Being married doesn't mean you gouge your eyeballs out, committing to never look at another person…but it does mean when you find yourself drawn by that undeniable force of attraction, you have the inner fortitude to put on the breaks. Wanting is merely a part of being human, so don't beat yourself up. I encourage you to be wise and be honest with yourself and your spouse. When you confess what is in your heart you allow your spouse the opportunity to know you better, be sensitive to your emotional needs, and engage in a new level of intimacy with you. There is something powerful in facing raw human desires with complete and honest openness.

Attraction isn't damaging…. Your reaction to it can be. So when you find yourself drawn to that handsome stranger, pray for wisdom and if nothing else, say "feet don't fail me now" and run like hell the other way!

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