Marital Sex Should Be a Mission, Not Merely MIsSioNary!

It may surprise you how many married couples rarely have sex or describe their sex life as mundane, predictable and even boring. The General Social Society reported that married men and women, on average, have sex with their spouse 58 times per year. Even more alarming is the report by Newsweek noting 15% to 20% of couples have sex less than 10 times a year, which is defined as a "sexless" marriage. There are many reasons and many more excuses. This book is designed to highlight the distraction, belay the excuse, remove the guilt, forego the pressure, and rekindle the spark of passion you once felt between the sheets.
We all know the sexual craving of our teenage, hormone-raging years subsides. Time has a way of diminishing desire. Adulthood brings responsibilities that distract sexual interests. Careers and parenting take exhaustion to new defining levels. These are facts of life but should not be used as excuses for prevailing lethargy. When sex drive fades from a raging bonfire to a flickering flame, it’s time to take action, to fan that flame, to get on your knees and blow on it until it gets bigger! Yeah, I went there. When women begin to view sex as a chore and men only get it when they beg for it, there is chink in the marital armor. When both partners complain that sex has become mundane, there’s a kink in the marital hose. The same position. The same movement. The same touch. The same thrust. The same moan. I’m getting bored just writing about it! No wonder a recent survey by Durex showed that people around the world (men and women alike) reported a greater desire to go out with friends than have sex with their spouse. If missionary is as good as it ever gets, I’d certainly be prone to choose dinner and movie instead. Marriage, though comfortable, too often becomes the burial ground for expressed sexuality, when by all rights it should be the birthing arena of sexual creativity.
Sex should not always be missionary but it must always be a mission in your marriage. We were created as sexual beings and marriage was designed to be the playground on which our sexuality romps.

CHAPTER ONE - Constant Craving

She pushed him down in the chair and climbed across his lap to straddle him. Pressing her body firmly against his, she kissed him deeply while moving her hips in slow circular motion. She welcomed his caress with a quiet sigh, and arched her back to allow his tongue to find its way to her breasts. Grinding passionately against him she could feel the fortitude of his unspoken response. Chills of satisfaction ran through her as he looked in her eyes with a wanting she hadn’t seen in years. ~

Now that I have your attention, let me pose this question, how long has it been since you felt desired by your spouse? How long has it been since your spouse has felt this wanting from you? Can you remember the last time you felt such intensity of passion that you couldn’t rip each other’s clothes off fast enough? There is no greater feeling than being wanted. There is no greater craving than the constancy of wanting to be wanted. It is a need that is built into the fabric of our nature. God designed human beings to require touch and intimacy. We were not created for loneliness; thus marriage struggles to survive when there is lack of affection.
Sexual intimacy is the main artery to marital communication and bonding. And communication is the key to sexual intimacy. It is difficult, if not impossible, to regularly engage in sex with your spouse and remain emotionally, mentally or spiritually disconnected. Sex causes all channels to tune in, static free. We no longer live in the simplicity of an adjust-the-rabbit-ear world. We have satellite and cable, with hundreds of viewing options and remote control. Technologically we have evolved and sexually we must do the same. Twin beds and once a week sex doesn’t cut it in today’s marriage. Our relationships demand more because our environment offers more; thus we have grown to need more. Sexual stimulation in marriage is directly tied to overall communication in marriage so you cannot unplug one without it negatively affecting the output of the other. You must have something to Input in order to expect Output. It’s basic wiring. When you stop having sex the communication conduit becomes clogged and marriage begins to suffer from shrinkage. It shrivels up like a penis in a cold pool! Seinfeld fans know what I’m talking about. Marriage requires the warmth of physical touch to survive and the constancy of sexual intimacy to thrive.
Human beings are uniquely designed to be creatures of habit. We get into a routine and soon that routine becomes our normal pattern of existence. We get up at a particular time and go to bed around a particular time. We have night time rituals like washing our face and brushing our teeth. We like to eat at certain times during the day and find ourselves adapting to feeling hungry when the noshing hour nears. It is no different with sex. Once you begin to make sexual activity a normal pattern in your life, the craving for sex will increase to meet the output. Sexual bonding is designed to reinforce itself, thereby providing stability within the marriage. You crave more as you get more which in turn drives you to pursue it more frequently.
This constant craving is innate, inborn, and instinctive. Sex was designed for the purpose of procreation but that is far from its only purpose. Research has shown there are numerous health benefits to frequent sex. These include improvement in self-esteem, deeper emotional attachment, better posture, lower incidence of illness, lowered stress and less anxiety, youthfulness, more energy, muscular contraction and better bladder control, increased circulation, greater levels of the hormones dopamine and oxytocin, proven to be natural anti-depressants, promotes cardiovascular health, reducing the risk of heart attack or stroke, helps people sleep better, not to mention the overall joy of physical satisfaction. Wow! We should be committing ourselves to frequent sex for the physical benefits alone, not to mention the relational rewards. Sex should be part of our physical exercise routine. Go run a mile then come home and ride in style! In the words of a Big & Rich song, we should all “save a horse, ride a cowboy.” Yee Haw! ~